Do I have any . . .

October 2, 2007

I wake this morning thinking of the answer I gave to the classic question, "If you died tomorrow, what would you regret most?" As I recall my answer, Frank Sinatra is singing in my mind.

As I think about this question, I have only one regret: I wouldn't know how good I might have gotten as an artist. I might wish I'd of started earlier to get serious about my art. After all, I turn forty nine this year, and some people think themselves old at that age. (I don't!) But still, that's a few years gone by. But I've known love, loved deeply and been loved in return. I've had much joy.

And I don't want to waste a moment thinking about "what if's". That line, "Life is a Moment" stays with me. I just try moment to moment to be as fully conscious as I can. Even if it's small things, like noticing the environment around me, for I am not being robotic then. At other times, I just try to do what is calling me the most. Okay, I'm easily distractable, I start books and do not finish them, etc. etc. But I remember a quote from somewhere, "Live like you were going to die tomorrow, learn like you have forever." Why this means much to me is I can be so impatient to know answers to the mysteries. That's a good prod if it keeps us awake and questing. But if it gets to a panicky "What if I'll never learn ____ in time," then it is counterproductive.

So I just try to make the most of _this moment now_, and moment by moment, that's been adding up to a very rich life.

Back to Frankie:

"Regrets, Ive had a few;
But then again, too few to mention...."

Well, I've just mentioned, but in forty nine years, that amounts to 'few'...

"But more, much more than this,
I did it my way...."

Unlike Frank, sometimes I've been 'shy'. But sometimes I've been 'bold'. And yes, always, I've done it 'my way':

"For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!"

Well, I'm hoping 'no blows', but I think 'the record', (this journal 'record' I am making), definitely shows I'm doing it 'my way'.

Here's to however many moments we have in the future. Let's enjoy each of them to the fullest!

© Joan Ann Lansberry
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