December 2, 2004
"Born to Fly"
The preacher asked me what my mother was like, and I had hopes he would use the information in his address to the loved ones. He didn't. But I told him about how my mother was always so fiercely inquisitive about everything, always reading books to learn new things, constantly seeking the mysteries on both the physical and metaphysical planes. Indeed, in her house, I found many tall towers of books stacked up. Rather a large amount of those were about planes themselves, ie. aviation. She was fascinated with all aspects and knew the many types of planes. As a natural thing, when I first boarded the plane from Yuma to Phoenix, I took note of the flight attendant's announcements. "This is a Dash 8 Haviland . . ." I took note of the seating arrangement on the small plane. It seats thirty seven people. I have no idea how many the big plane seats. The first three rows are devoted to the wide first class padded leather seats. Then it goes back past for maybe twenty four rows or so, with six seats across. It's a big bird:
Flight of the soul 6:50am Oddly, I feel more like the mythic vampire, who watches all the mortals he has loved die, while he remains. This sorrow will always be a part of life. This bitter sadness, always. But as time goes by, I'll find more of the sweet. I know from past loss, this is so. For right now, I'll just trust that memory. The Moroccan singer says, "I know, I know, I know" as if in response to my deep sorrow. Death is a part of life. I'll remember the deep breathing. What is 'my will' today?
To find within myself the calm spaces, to enter them and find strength within. Return to the center . . .
The vision of my perfected Self is one who is at the center point of her emotions, knows the deep wells of strength and draws deeply.
This is my goal for the day.
This is not to say today it will be a joyful self, just that I will sense those deep wells, breathe deeply and draw deeply. Return to the Center, I feel the wells, yes they are there. Breathe deeply, I will get through this.
I notice the Kemeticists are having their Mysteries of Wesir Feast (WESIR being Osiris, the God of the Dead) now . . .
"In the silence of this evening, may you mourn your losses and yet find quiet peace in their wake,"
their Priestess declares.
Yes, good advice, that. She's giving a space to grief. This is a part of life. I don't like it. I don't like that things end, connections end, people end. I hate it bitterly. But it is a part of life and it is alright to sorrow. If I give it its space now, I will know the happier joy later.
December 3, 2004
"Unique Beauties"
The inner door of my mother's house.
Dan's yard, Tuesday morning. The temp is 32F (0C)
The view out Dan's dining room window...
December 4, 2004 B
"Glamour From Days Gone By"
Dan and Cathy's wedding in 1978
December 5, 2004
"Alert To The End"
Anyway, she has a bright and alert expression, and that is a joy. She had full mental capacity until the day of her passing and she didn't suffer long.
Go Back to Archives...
|